Wanted: Laughter - Will pay top dollar.

Yesterday was a good day. I should have known it would be a good one at exactly 8:32am. The reason I say this is kind of embarrasing, but here goes. Every morning, well most school day mornings, I drop my daughter Savanah(Savy) off at school. She attends Rosehill Christian School out on FM2920 between Hockley and Tomball. After dropping her off, I take Mueschke Rd to 290, then Fry Rd to Katy where we own a dental practice with two partners. The reason I give so much detail with this is to mention a very sharp, nearly 90 degree turn without a stop sign located about a mile south of 2920 on Mueschke Rd.
It is dangerous, and I've always been extra cautious when I'm taking this curve. Anywho, yesterday the roads were very slick and as I was mid turn a guy coming the other direction going too fast starts to slide in my lane. He didn't hit me, thank the Lord, but came darn close. During the "slow-mo" of the near miss I caught his face. Eyes the size of plates, mouth wide open and the look of fear all over. As we passed and I realized I was safe, I remembered this face and thought it was kinda funny. The kind of funny that most folks would give a quick chuckle about, I now think is hilarious. I am full on laughing hysterically in my truck on the way to work, and laughed off and on over this face for my entire 45 minute drive. I kid you not, I almost pulled over. My gut hurt. I was completely looney over this, and it wouldn't be all that funny to anyone else; but these days, I'm looking for a good laugh.

I think the laughter was my way of letting go of some stress. I mean, the kind of stress my family has been under lately can make you crazy. I'm not talking about the kind of crazy that a rough day or two brings out that a glass of wine can fix. I'm talking about the bat shit crazy kind. Like wearing your sunglasses while you are looking for them, or sitting in a running car in your driveway with your kid in the backseat all dressed for school at 8am and can't remember where you are supposed to go. Or get this, brushing your teeth with a razor. Yep, I almost did it a few days ago. That would have hurt. One last example, I was watching TV and had the program guide up. In the top right corner the current channel still plays, but the rest of the screen is all programs, times, channels etc to chose from. I watched half an episode of The Middle like that last week, and when I came to, and exited out of the guide screen, Savy just simply said, "Thank you." I kid you not, I have done some weird stuff lately. Even weirder than usual, and I am known for having a strange tick or two. 

Another thing about laughter, it can make me steaming mad when I hear it. That is not my personality at all. I am the guy always laughing and cracking a joke, but when I hear nurses laughing in the NICU and I'm not in on the joke, I want to grab their necks. What is so damn funny!!!!!! I mean can't you see all these babies holding on by a thread around here? Don't you see all the parents swollen red eyes? Didn't you hear that bell ding? I realize that I am in the wrong here. These nurses are at work just like all of us, and who doesnt need some laughter to get through the day, but when I'm in a bad mood, everyone should be in a bad mood.

Being a parent of a micro-preemie, or a parent of any child with a serious illness or disability is exhausting, and sometimes we just want to scream at everyone for not "getting it". We sometimes cannot understand why the whole world keeps going on like nothing is wrong. "Can't you see my sick child here?!?!?!?!?!?!"
I must say that though this is my thought sometimes, other times its just the opposite. Many times I don't want to keep being reminded about this awful story my family has found themselves in. Ask me how Cash is doing, but then say nothing more after I tell you he is "Hangin' in there".

This is all strange I know. Even unfair. Like the other day when I sat in on the "Cookie meeting" for Savy's Brownie troop. I was the only guy there, which is typical and normally no big deal for me. This time though I'm sitting there thinking about how much Kim wished she was in this meeting, possibly running it. So I start to resent these women. They did nothing to me, in fact just the opposite; many of them have given their prayers, support and even money to help us. I feel like a turd thinking and saying this, and some of these ladies will probably read this then avoid me like the plague. It's my loss, but I have to say all these crazy thoughts I have. To make it clear, these mothers are the good ones, and without them I would lose all faith in humanity. But nevertheless, Im sitting there and cannot even think straight. I'm getting figity, my ears turning red. Why can this cookie sales process not be what it should? This is Savys time to grow, have fun and learn about making a buck. All I can think about is how its not the perfect world scenario.

Nothing is perfect, except children. When I remember that, I laugh hysterically at almost having a wreck.
When I don't, the day sucks. Keep your chin up fellow parents of challenged children and remember one thing: If you think its hard on us, think about how hard it is for them.